Christmas shopping is a nightmare. But if there isone person you really need to get the right gift for, it’s the person you’re dating. They put up with your most annoying habits, have probably seen you at your very laziest and yet are still, for some reason, into you.

You presumably quite like if not love them too, so there’s also that to consider.

No matter how well you know them, there’s no denying that shopping for your lobster comes with a hell of a lot of problems, especially if you didn’t start noting down the not very subtle hints they started dropping back in August.

Luckily we’ve got your back with a failsafe guide to what level of present they are probably expecting based on how long you've been together.

Less than a month

Hun, this isn’t even a thing yet, so maybe just settle for doing something cute like going for hot chocs or doing some serious PDA smooching at some form of outdoor festive event.

That said, this does qualify for the very awkward stage of are-we–or-aren’t-we-doing-prezzies, so it might be worth dropping a few hints just in case they do end up getting you a gift and you’ve got them nada. Call us extra but you wouldn’t be the first to turn up to your final pre-holiday meet with an emergency small ‘lol’ gift in your bag, just in case.

If this is the case, we’re talking Secret Santa level gifts:a jokey book, a piss-take game, a mug based on an in-joke, a beanie for anyone without the sense of humour - you know the drill.

one -- sixmonths

If you’ve managed to get from the wtf-even-is-this zone into official commitment in less than six months, then frankly you deserve a solid gold medal the size of a dinner plate.

This is best known as the stage when you’re still kind of trying to make them think you are a sane human who is interested in doing cool things that definitely don’t involve getting in to bed at 7.30pm on weeknights to binge watch programmes made explicitly for under 12s on Netflix.

If this sounds familiar, an easy win is something like gig tickets for a band you know they like. Keep it low-key and as near to Christmas as possible (real talk: planning something 12 months in advance may come across fairly keen when you’ve only known them eight weeks). Doing something a little bit cheesy is also very acceptable at this point, so buy them your favourite book and write an inscription in it, or get them a scarf with their initials embroidered on it, for example. Charity gifts on their behalf are also always a win because they do genuine good in the world during these dark and uncertain times. Plus it doesn’t hurt to make yourself look like a good person, does it?

Whatever you go for, the main rule here is being thoughtful over how much you spend. If you’ve set a budget then stick to it – there’s nothing worse than totally overspending and making them feel guilty for not doing the same.

sixmonths – twoyears

At this point you should at least have some semblance of an idea as to what the person you are swapping bodily fluids with on a regular basis is interested in. If they are the type of person who will send you a list of links you can just purchase and wrapthen go with it (although adding in a little surprise is a big tick), but if this is a test of how well you’ve listened to their casual asides, you’re probably screwed and are going to have to guess.

Generally speaking for both guys and gals, you just need to pinpoint their interests. If they like cars, check out experience days. If tech or gaming is their thing, memorabilia is worth a google. Fancy candles are always great, as are meaningful things like a jazzy edition of their favourite book, a special edition vinyl of that band you saw together or booking to do something together that you’ve never done before.

If you’re a guy shopping for a girl, avoid perfume unless you have real ideas of scents she likes:you’ll probably get it wrong otherwise. Do try websites like CultBeauty and ASOS and check out their gift sets and most popular products if she’s big on the beauty. Maybe have a rummage in her makeup bag first to get an idea of the brands she likes though. Clothes also have potential to go wrong, so either get a gift receipt with your purchase or why not even suggest taking them shopping to pick some things out instead?

Over two years

In the age of ghosting, you’re practically married if you’ve made it this far without one of you faking your own death in order to break up without having to have a face-to-face convo about it.

Going big on the prezzies is, at this point, more acceptable if that’s your thing. Setting a budget is still advisable but tbh you should really know them well enough by now to know what to get them.

Chances are they’ve been dropping hints since August and if you’ve missed them, no one can save you now. Good luck and god speed.