“Nothing can prepare you for the end” says the poster. They were right. They were so right.

The Hunger Games saga has reached its epic conclusion for its Quarter Quell; three years and four films of swooning over J-Law, debating whether Rue was actually a rebel spy, and three happy years of playing “Snog/Marry/Avoid” with Finnick, Peeta and Gale. I can’t even, right now.

As a Hunger Games diehard fan, I had a lot of feelings whilst watching the final instalment, so hold tight – and may the odds be ever in your favour. Warning: slightly spoilerish.

1. Here we go. This is it. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the 76th Hunger Games and the final film *sniff*.

2. Katniss is all busted up after her run-in with Peeta at the end of Mockingjay Part 1. And yet her hair still looks effortlessly amazing.

3. He’s still strapped to the bed. Do you think Peeta still smells like bread?

4. I wonder what Gales smells like? I bet it’s a mixture of freshly cut grass, and musk. Lots of musk.

5. Peeta is asking Prim what’s real and not real. Katniss’s love for you is real, Peeta!

6. President Coin’s silver hair is totes amazing. Why am I obsessed with everyone’s hair?

7. Stop everything: Gale’s walked in. He’s saying something but I can’t hear because I’m distracted by Liam Hemsworth’s lovely, lovely face.

8. Did we ever find out why he and Miley split up? Was she actually Team Peeta?

9. Stop everything again: Katniss and Gale are tashing on. I would quite happily be either of them right now.

10. They’re now in District 2. Which one is that one again? Is it the farming one, or the one where they tell the truth all the time? Or is that Divergent I’m thinking of?

11. Katniss is giving a rallying speech to convince everyone to turn their weapons to the Capitol, and – WAIT! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

12. Hyperventilating now.

13. I can breathe now, Katniss is OK. But for how much longer?

14. Great to see Johanna is still a deadpan snarker. She’s laying into Katniss and tells her “Feel free to take all of this personally.”

15. Stop being mean, Peeta. Can’t you see you’re a puppet of the Capitol? Remember the burnt bread, Peeta!

16. Yassssssss – Effy’s back! And she’s got her wigs!

17. Ulp. They’re doing the three-finger salute. All the feels right now.

18. Boggs is introducing Katniss to the elite snipers and soldiers who’ll make up her ‘Star Squad’ #SquadGoals.

19. Peeta’s pitched up to join the Star Squad. Some interesting Peeta facts: 1) his favourite colour is orange, 2) he double knots his shoelaces, 3) he doesn’t take sugar in his tea. This is why I prefer Gale.

20. OK, so the city’s booby-trapped. Can’t help wonder why no-one’s died yet, though. This IS The Hunger Games, right?

21. Spoke too soon. First one down, blown up by a booby-trap.

22. RUN!

23. FLIPPIN’ RUN!

24. That was close.

25. Important transmission from the Capitol: purple eyebrows ala Caesar Flickerman are totally on fleek.

26. Everyone’s in the underground sewers, and it’s dead creepy.

27. Did you hear that? Something just totally hissed “Katnissssssss”.

28. Please don’t let it be the mutts.

29. There’s a lot of looking round corners into dark places. I don’t like this. It’s too scary.

30. Please don’t let it be the mutts.

31. Crawling into small, cramped spaces? Really? When has that ever worked out for anyone?

32. ARRRRRGGHHH!

33. It’s the mutts! And they are GRIM.

34. Oh my god. This is absolutely terrifying.

35. Is this a 12A certificate? It can’t be a 12A certificate. I’m going to need new underpants if this goes on for much longer.

36. Oh my god, this is horrible.

37. I can’t look.

38. I have to look.

39. Wish I hadn’t looked.

40. EWWWWW! Katniss touched one of the slimy mutts WITH HER FINGERS!

41. I can’t handle this! This is genuinely terrifying.

42. Finnick’s overwhelmed by the mutts and has dropped his fishing thingy. This isn’t even close to being over.

43. ARRRGGGGHHH even the light fittings are dangerous!

44. Pollux is signing to Katniss; I think he’s said “purple monkey yellow dishwasher”, but I’m not 100% on that.

45. Katniss and Gale need to infiltrate the Capitol citizens, and I need me one of those quilted capes they’re wearing.

46. Uh oh.

47. UH OH!
48. LOUD NOISES! EXPLOSIONS!

49. I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.

50. WTF! A Very Bad Thing has happened.

51.This is like the thing they were talking about earlier with Gale, but I wasn’t listening because I was looking at his face.

52. Oh man, that is messed up.

53. What’s happening what’s happening, wait – WHAT???

54. Nooooooooo, Katniss! The girl who was on fire is actually on fire. I really shouldn’t have Alicia Keys singing in my head right now.

55. Ohh, Gale’s here. Poor guy never had a chance. Goodbye, Gale. It was a blast.

56. Freedom from tyranny means the freedom to wear false eyelashes, it seems. Effy, Katniss and Cressida are all rocking them.

57. OK, this is tense now. Katniss has Snow in her sights.

58. WHUT?

59. Well, I don’t think any of us expected that to happen.

60. Haymitch again with hitting it on the head, “Katniss, you never disappoint.” Amen.

61. OH HAI Buttercup! Whatchoo doin’?

62. Right, Jennifer Lawrence is just screaming at a cat now. Believe it or not, this is a very important part of the film. Plus, I always hated that cat too.

63. Officially Team Peeta now.

64. I really think I’ve experienced every emotion possible now, and invented a few more.

65. I’m not crying. YOU’RE crying.

66. Someone hold me.

67. Game. Over. :(