Unsurprisingly, sex and all that comes with it has fascinated humans since the beginnings of time. Unfortunately, there’s also been a whole load of ‘what the actual’ theories surrounding the ol’ horizontal fandango -myths that have thankfully since been debunked.

Check out this lot, and be glad that you were born in a time where urine soaked lizards aren’t a thing.

Women need to orgasm to get pregnant

As myths go, this one’s not too bad - because unlike many others, it actually acknowledges female pleasure. Shout out to Roman physician Galen, who published studies claiming that ‘inner heat’ was the key to falling pregnant. What did he reckon generated the most ‘inner heat’? A female orgasm, that’s what. This was a fundamental belief for many centuries, and while we now know that it’s very much not true (always use a condom, folks), here’s hoping many women benefitted from the theory.

Women get ‘loose’ vaginas if they have too much sex

Less myth, more slut-shaming 101. Spoiler alert: the vagina is a muscle literally designed to expand - if it can survive having an actual human pushed out of it, it can handle the D. Trust.

People who give blow jobs have bad breath

The ancient Romans were more NO job than blow job - in fact, they were so against the art of fellatio that they wouldn’t even invite ‘known fellators’ to dinner. How mean.

This may have stemmed from the fact that it was widely believed those who liked to go down south had bad breath, and Romans greeted each other by kissing on the mouth. *rolls eyes*. However, in true hypocritical fashion, they had no problem with receiving - often having slaves or prostitutes pleasure them orally.

A urine-drenched lizard dampens raging lust

Niche. Then again, also sort of understandable, as we’re pretty sure most people would class ‘piss-lizard’ as a rather large turn off. This particular myth was popular with the ancient Egyptians, Romans AND Greeks, who were really into ‘anti-aphrodisiacs’, the horny lot.

So, the next time you’re having sexy thoughts about someone you shouldn’t, just make sure you’ve got a wee-soaked amphibian on you, yeah? OH, just a quick FYI: Pliny the Elder specified that the lizard had to have actually drowned in a man’s urine, for anyone hoping they could just find a dead one lying around. Lovely.

Ejaculation = loss of life force

Ancient practitioners of Taoism - a philosophy centered around chi, believed that semen contained ‘jing’, the essence that gives us life. Because of this, ancient Chinese men were advised to not ejaculate during sex.

The flipside? It was also believed that one of the ways to get MORE jing was to have loads of sex. So basically, the ancient Chinese had to practice extreme self-control - and no climax - in the bedroom. Gulp.

Clitoral orgasm is a sign of immaturity

Sigmund Freud is responsible for this one - he theorised that there were two female sexual stages. 1) That of children and adolescents, whose primary “erotogenic zone” was the clitoris, and women post-puberty, who could then orgasm from vaginal stimulation. He argued the clitoral orgasm was illegitimate, and that healthy sexual expression for women required a vaginal orgasm, without clitoral stimulation. Ridic.

Then again, this is the same dude who reckoned every boy was in love with his mother, so yeah,make of that what you will.

Green M&Ms make you horny

Yup. Not so long ago the internet convinced itself that green M&Ms increased libido, so much so that there’s even an urban dictionary entry for the phenomenon, claiming that just 5 pieces of the candy was all you needed to get you in the mooooood.

It sounds like a joke, but many people actually took the myth seriously - even trying to provide ‘scientific’ reasons for why this might be the case. (There is no science. It is not true).

Binding feet tightens vaginal muscles

The ancient Chinese practice of foot binding involved literally breaking the feet of baby girls and folding them over, so that they would end up with feet just a few inches long, barely able to support their own weight. These ‘golden lily’ or ‘lotus feet’ were thought to result in stronger and more sensitive vaginal muscles, to compensate for the lack of balance due to crippled feet.

Spoiler alert: this IS NOT TRUE, and it’s horrendous in so many ways.

Masturbating too much will give you hairy palms

An urban myth designed to shame predominantly men, but also women, out of pleasuring themselves. Ridiculous, and obviously v. much not the case. You do you (literally), honey.

The vagina is an inside out penis

Lols. For thousands of years it was accepted that women and men’s reproductive systems were essentially mirror images of each other, with the inferior female version inverted up inside them.

The reason they came up with? Women have less heat, so needed their penises tucked up in there to keep them warm.

'- Words by Lizzie Cox.'

'How well do you know your way around a dick? Hopefully better than these people do...'